


if you're gonna lie

by magmoo



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Basically I want them to be together so they can just fuck on the plane in 4x20 don't @ me, F/F, The Reveal!, already in a relationship, fight and make up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-04-23 18:32:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19156597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magmoo/pseuds/magmoo
Summary: Basically a rewrite of 4x19 where Kara tells Lena she's Supergirl





	1. Chapter 1

Lena finds herself alone in her office… again. It's the third time in as many days. She's been working late trying to find a cure for the Harun-el. For James. She still loves him, even if she's not in love with him. Maybe even never was. Regardless, Lena can't bear to think that something she created and used without his permission would hurt him. Her entire life has been a fight against the Luthor legacy. With Lex on the loose she's even more paralyzed by the fear that one day she'll turn her back to everyone she once loved. Her mind stretches every decision into good and bad, trying to find the side that will keep her in the light even for just a moment more.  
Kara texted a few hours ago that she'd stop by after work, so Lena had poured her a glass of wine for when she arrived and left it on the desk next to her. The sun behind her slowly set and her eyes began to strain from looking at chemical structures for so long. She reached for the glass she had poured for Kara and leaned back to take a sip. She's grown much too familiar with these nights alone in her office. After they started dating, something changed in Kara – like a piece of her was missing. She wasn't showing up at the office every day, wasn't texting dinner reservations at a whim, wasn't even as close to Alex as she once was. Lena tried not to worry about it too much, but to say it wasn't always in the back of her mind would be a lie.  
  
Lena quickly finishes the glass of wine and walks over to her assortment of bottles to fill it back up as well as pour herself another glass of scotch. She walks herself onto the balcony, already a little tipsy from all the day drinking, to watch the night sky. Her pants ripple in the light breeze and it's all she can do to pretend the wind isn't Kara's hands tracing her body. She stands there for what feels like an eternity, breathing in the air and trying to feel like herself again.  
  
With a knock and a soft "hello" Kara lets herself into the office.  
  
"Kara, what a surprise," Lena says as she walks, or stumbles rather, back into her office. She can't help but feel the bitterness in her mouth as she says it.  
  
"Your new assistant seems nice," Kara lets out with a soft smile.  
  
As Lena pours more whisky in her glass she bites, "let's hope she doesn't stab me in the back."  
  
Kara moves closer and strokes her bicep before responding, "I'm so sorry about what Eve did to you." Her arms envelop Lena into one of those hugs that makes her forget she's ever spent time alone.  
  
The arms loosen a bit before Kara speaks again with eyes piercing into Lena's. "That's actually why I'm here. I'm writing an article about Lex. I want to expose him. I want to take him down and put an end to all of this."  
  
Lena slinks out of Kara's hold and walks over to her couch. She can't handle this right now and definitely not when she's affected by Kara's touch.  
  
"An exposé on Lex? That's quite an Everest."  
  
Kara follows behind, but she must realize the tension in the room enough to know not to sit next to Lena. "There was actually something I was hoping you would answer. Has L-Corp done business with Amertek? Maybe on a military project?"  
  
"No of course not," she all but scoffs at the accusation. "Look I'm sorry that I can't help you with this right now but I'm trying to help James."  
  
Kara tenses up at the mention of her ex, and Lena can't say she's entirely disappointed by this response. There's something about the thick air that surrounds her when Kara is jealous, it reminds her of the love she felt growing up in the Luthor household. It's prickly, but she knows this time it will be followed by the soft touch of consolation. For the past few months she's been letting Kara dance around her with lies, if only for Kara to apologize later with her hands. Not that she'd admit that to herself.  
  
"You know Alex is here," she continues. "You haven't been around. Supergirl's been there for me, the person who judges me on the very premise of my last name, but my girlfriend hasn't." The words just fall out of her mouth before she can control herself.  
  
Kara starts on her defenses, the strain on her face evident, "Lena I'm sorry. I was trying to catch Lex. For you! That's why I'm doing this. Of _course_ I care about how you feel."  
  
"You just care about me a little less than you do as a source for your story." Lena feels the bite of her words and she washes them down with the burn of whisky. She knows how much Kara cares about her, almost too much. Sometimes Lena feels overwhelmed by the love and she needs a minute to remind herself how distant Kara's been to feel justified in her claim.  
  
"No. No, you know that's not true," Kara counters and takes a step closer to Lena. But she can always tell when Kara is lying. Recently she's been putting that skill to use more often than she'd like to admit. Kara sneaks into her apartment late and says she was at work; she leaves in the middle of the night and claims Alex needed something. She's been slipping in and out of Lena's life, and Lena lets her. She bottles up her feelings of abandonment and inadequacy and keeps them on the shelf with all her other emotions. She's losing herself every night she lets Kara lie, going slowly mad with all the theories in her mind of what secret life she's living.  
  
"Lex is more dangerous than you could ever imagine. I suggest you stop lying to me so I can help you."  
  
"I'm not-"  
  
"Kara. You're terrible at hiding things from me. You've been unreliable and sneaking around and lying and it's just not," her hands vaguely trace Kara's outline, " _you._ So tell me what's been happening or go because I have better things to do right now."  
  
She expects Kara to step away at the aggressive tone, but she instead closes the distance between them and sits right next to Lena.  
  
Kara sinks into herself and stares intently into the ground as if she could burn a hole through it. "I wasn't trying to lie. I hope you understand this doesn't mean I don't trust or love you. I've wanted to tell you so many times but each time I convinced myself you were safer not knowing. I … I realize now that that may not be true." Kara begins by taking off her glasses and Lena is acutely aware that she's never actually seen Kara without them. Beneath them are kind eyes on the verge of tears, pulling Lena closer to wrap her arm around Kara's shoulders.  
  
"I hadn't realized how distant I'd become and I'm sorry. But that isn't exactly the truth either. I've been there with you every day Lee. I didn't want to tell you like this. I wanted us to be in a good, safe place so you can react however you'll react, no judgement. No pressure. But with Lex out there? I just need to be the one to tell you." With that Kara stands up to face Lena and lets the top half of her hair down. Lena stares at the familiar face, petrified on the couch unable to move. Kara slowly begins unbuttoning the top of her shirt to reveal _that_ crest. "I'm Supergirl."  
  
Lena can't believe her eyes. Sunny, bright Kara Danvers is … it can't be. But soon the memories start flooding into her brain.  
  
_I was getting coffee with Kara Danvers when you called._  
_Kara Danvers believes in you._  
_I had a dream we were flying and you were carrying me._  
_No it's fine, I flew here… on a bus._  
  
Her mind fills with questions. All the signs were there, she just didn't notice? Or didn't put it together? She couldn't figure it out but Lex knows? Who else? Their whole friend group? So they've all been lying to Lena too? Has she been protecting this secret from herself too? Is it more her fault that she didn't know than Kara's? And how is she supposed to live up to the shadow of Supergirl? This whole time she'd been opening up to Kara about her disdain for the girl of steel and her hubris, but it's the same girl that listens to this with an open heart? And loves her regardless?  
  
The two realities start to combine in her mind and all she can see if Kara's face every time she's been saved by Supergirl, through every fight they had, every interaction.  
  
Kara lets them sit in silence while Lena is processing. "I'm sorry Lena. I should go." Her head sinks as she walks towards the office door and puts her Kara Danvers disguise back on. Before leaving she turns to say, "I love you. Always." The door clicks behind her.  
  
Lena wants to feel mad or sad or betrayed or something, but she's just completely numb. Tears are pouring out of her eyes, but the only evidence of this is the small wet marks left on her pants. The world is completely silent and still. She takes a deep breath, swallows it down with the rest of her scotch, and goes back to work. As if nothing happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Lena shows up at Catco the next day looking for her. Time is of the essence and she'd like to get a clean slate before she has to see Lex again, knowing whatever plan he has will be devious and ruthless. Her mind has focused more on her own secrets in the past twelve hours than it has on Kara's. Truthfully, she should've known. Maybe she was blinded by love, maybe she was in denial, but regardless it was right in front of her. And there's no use in dwelling on it now. Not with whatever Lex is planning.

As soon as she gets to the top floor, she sees Kara. She imagined this moment a few times but couldn't anticipate what it would feel like to see her again. It's not anger, hate, malice, or spite, all of which she had predicted. No, all she can feel is love. The only thing preventing her from running over and swooping Kara into a hug is the weight of her own secret. She instead paces carefully over to her and leads them towards the balcony. Not only does she need the air, but it feels only fair for Kara to be able to escape the conversation any way possible once she knows the truth.

"I'm sorry I was so short with you," Lena starts. "You were just doing your job."

Kara exhales deeply. "Friendship is the most important job. I was so focused I forgot what really matters." The unspoken need for total honesty hangs between them before Lena turns towards the skyline to speak her piece.

"No, Kara, the truth is even if you'd been standing right next to me when Lex escaped, I really wouldn't have let you be there for me. Supergirl or otherwise."

"What do you mean? Why?"

"Because I've been keeping secrets too." The air around her hits like a ton of bricks. She tries to steady her heartbeat, wondering if Kara is listening to it. "Eve wasn't the only one working for Lex. I… I was working with him too." She pauses, giving Kara the opportunity to tell her off and leave like everyone else.

But she doesn’t move. Her eyes stay trained to Lena without so much as a change to her expression. Lena takes it as sign to continue fully into honesty. "He contacted me four months ago. He knew I had the Harun-El. He had cancer and he was afraid to die. He's my brother. And in my heart, I knew he was manipulating me, but… but I believed him. And I helped him, and he betrayed me. I was weak and I will _never_ forgive myself for that. I could only imagine what you think of me Kara, I don't blame you."

By the time she's finished, tears are streaming down her face. This kind of vulnerability doesn't come easy to her and it feels like she's left her whole heart on the ground, ready to be run over. But Kara wraps her up into the tightest, truest hug and kisses her forehead.

"No, Lena. You are not weak. You are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul. Your brother asked you for help and in life or death situations you help family. No one can judge you for that. I'm so sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me. I am so sorry."

Every doubt Lena has ever had suddenly escapes her mind. Here, in Kara's arms, she feels whole and real and valid and loved. She burrows her head into Kara's neck and breathes out, "thank you."

She steps back and sniffles her tears away. "I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me sooner either. I know it must have been a tiring secret to keep. Thank you for giving me the space to process, and for understanding my secret too. You really are out of this world, Kara Danvers."

Kara chuckles and leans in to kiss Lena with the kind of passion only brought about by feeling free, finally. "I'm glad you're not mad at me."

"Your secret is that you're a force for good, and that you've actually been by my side even when I didn't know it? How could I be mad at that?" Lena responds with a raised eyebrow. She presses their lips together again and threads her fingers up Kara's neck and tangles them into her hair.

In between kisses Kara manages to say, "no more secrets." Lena breaks away from Kara's gravity with a determined look on her face and pulling Kara's hand back into James's office.

"Then we better go find Lex."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my first fic! Let me know what you think :)  
> Find me on tumblr @omggays


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